Talk:Urith, Enma/@comment-4964532-20150204001754/@comment-4964532-20150204085953

Probably the misuse of the comma. To put it simply, it's a run-on sentence.

To put it in detail, there's already a pseudo-pause in between "it" and "didn't", as a result of it being an extension of the main body of the sentence, so the second (and explicit) pause just two words later is jarring since one would usually expect some kind of full-stop there. Plus, "to battle" as a sentence fragment reeks of the kind of emphasis that would only work if a particle specified what role exactly "to battle" is supposed to have in relation to the rest of the sentence (because, unlike Japanese, English sentences depends on themselves to be (relatively) structurally constant as Subject-Verb-Object), whereas fragments in English only work as either a direct response to a previous question (which this is not) or with some kind of repetition (e.g. "You wanted to battle, to sunder, to ravage").

I'm somewhat of a perfectionist, I admit.

Still, I would completely disagree that this makes the baseline for "fine". That baseline would be my first suggestion, dry as it might be interpreted. I think you're just reading it with a certain nuance that makes it sound okay, which is understandable but biased.